The #1 Thing Holding You Back (And How to Get Over Yourself)

Your authentic inner truth is always guiding you. Sadly, many of us have lost our connection to this truth. We forget how to tap into it. We forget what it feels like to trust in it. Instead, we seek answers from the outside. We desperately ask for other people’s advice and opinions. We drown ourselves in drugs, alcohol, or other numbing habits, trying to fill this inside void. We don’t understand why we aren’t happy, why we don’t feel fulfilled. We blame it on outside circumstances: the job, the credit card debt, the weight, the relationship or the lack of a relationship. We think that if these things change, then we’ll be happy. If these things change, then we’ll find the answers we’re looking for.


When you’re disconnected from your authentic inner truth, you’re living in a “when/then” mentality. It sounds something like:

When I have more money, then I’ll take a vacation.”

When I leave my job, then I’ll have more time to start my business.”

When I’m in a relationship, then I’ll be happy.”

When I pay off my debt, then I’ll be ready to start this creative project.”

When I lose five more pounds, then I’ll be ready to start working out again.”

When I start working out again, then I’ll be ready to start dating.”


The problem with this thought process is that you’re pushing aside the happiness and joy that you could be experiencing now with what you currently have, and letting an outside circumstance that you have absolutely no control over run the show. You’re literally handing over control and sending a message to the Universe that you don’t care what happens in your life. You are getting in your own way of what you truly desire.


If that’s the kind of way you want to live, then please, be my guest. But don’t feel justified in complaining about how things aren’t going your way and how you’re so unhappy. Because I’d politely respond back with, “You’re in control of your own happiness, always. So what’s actually holding you back?”


The answer 99.99% of the time is that YOU are holding yourself back. Your limiting beliefs, your negative thoughts, your inhibiting fears, and your straight up bullshit is what’s holding you back from living out your dream life. How’s that make you feel? Is that the kind of truth you want to own?


If you’re still reading this and I haven’t offended you enough to stop reading just yet, here are 8 steps to get over yourself and use your own bullshit to your advantage, so that you can start living that life that you know you deserve.


Step 1.) Recognize your bullshit.

Get real with yourself for a second. What’s stopping you from doing “the thing” that your soul is calling out for? What is the fear or belief that’s holding you back?


For me, I knew I wanted to leave my corporate job but I was scared of not having enough money. I felt like if I didn’t have a steady paycheck automatically deposited into my account every two weeks, then life as I knew it would fall to pieces. The fear wasn’t in leaving my job – the fear was in the limiting belief that I wasn’t capable of creating money any other way.


Step 2.) Call yourself out on your bullshit.

Listen, it’s okay. Once you uncover your limiting belief or fear, you don’t need to judge yourself for it. You’re human. We all have limiting beliefs, negative thoughts, and paralyzing fears. On a very basic level, they serve the purpose of protecting us from things that could harm us. But when we cling to these fears and hide behind the bullshit that’s doing us more harm than good, that’s when we need to shake things up and take back control. Get real with yourself and accept the fact that you’ve been using this fear or limiting belief as a way to not have to do anything with your desires.


Step 3.) See your bullshit for what it is – and use it for fuel to change.

Once you’ve identified that this lame fear or limiting story is no longer serving you, now you’re in the driver’s seat. Get honest with yourself: do you want to keep living this story of “when this, then that?” Do you want to keep putting your life in the hands of an external circumstance or situation that’s beyond your control? Do you want to keep hiding behind your fears? OR do you want to take responsibility for whatever it is that you want (to lose the weight, pay off the debt, quit your job, find your soul mate, leave toxic relationships, etc.) and take full ownership of the path to get there?


When you bring light to your fear – to the excuses and the reasons behind why you think you can’t live your dream life – you’re able to see it for what it really is: a big, ugly lie. Once you’ve recognized that, you can use it as fuel to change. Know now that whatever this thing is, it’s completely in your control: your thoughts, your beliefs, your fears. Own them fully, so that you can disown them completely.


Step 4.) Connect with your authentic inner truth.

Get quiet with yourself and connect to your knowing – that place in you that has been there all along and knows what’s best for you. Listen for and be open to receiving its guidance. Slow down your mind so that you can allow this truth to come through. Meditation, yoga, exercise, connecting with nature, or other relaxing and flow-inducing practices are a great way to train your mind to connect to your truth. Another helpful tool I’ve discovered is to think about yourself at the very end of your life looking back at this current version of you. What would that future self of you want for you to do here? What would that future self of you be proud of you for choosing?


Step 5.) Choose to see things differently.

From this place of connection and trusting in your inner truth, choose to adopt new beliefs that support and inspire you. The kind that light you up and empower you instead of holding you back from your badass self. When you change your thoughts to be more in line with what it is you truly want, you’re paving the road to getting there in the future.


For me, I had a deep knowing that I wasn’t meant to be working a corporate, 9-to-5 job that wasn’t serving me anymore. I knew that I was meant to be doing more fulfilling work, on my own terms, that is in line with my core values. Once I was able to see this truth, I was able to choose to see my fear of not being able to create money differently. I was able to see it as an absolute bullshit story I was telling myself as a way to not have to take the leap into leaving my job because that means uncertainty and risk (and our brains don’t like uncertainty and risk). Once I was able to connect to my truth, I could then choose to see things differently and know that I’m totally capable of creating income doing work that I love.


Step 6.) Be grateful AF.

This step is so crucial: take a moment to appreciate the here and now. Notice all the goodness surrounding you. Feel grateful for being in this present moment, because it’s exactly where you are meant to be, and it’s really all you’ll ever really have. Without gratitude for where we’re at now, we’ll never be able to appreciate that future version of ourselves that we’re craving because we’ll just be thinking about the next thing that we want. Taking a moment to show appreciation for the present moment every day is key to lasting change.


Step 7.) Take aligned action.

Now that you’ve done all this work on reworking the way your brain is seeing things, take one small step in the right direction. It doesn’t have to be huge, but put all of this energy toward something, anything, that will get you closer to where you’re craving to be.


Step 8.) Rinse and repeat, my friends.

Imagine it’s 5 or 10 years from now and you’ve achieved all your current goals and are living out your absolute dream life. Now, understand that you’ll still have moments of deflecting and hiding behind your own bullshit. Even when you’re this super awesome, rockstar version of yourself.


With that in mind, see how the present moment is really all you ever have – because even then, you’ll need to repeat Steps 1-9 to get back into your zone of genius. In order to take one small step forward. Because that’s all this really is. Become present, connect to your authentic inner truth, listen, and take one small step forward. Rinse and repeat. And remember that your bullshit can be used to your advantage. It pushes us forward. It makes us want to be a better version of ourselves. And by stepping into that, we can help others become better versions of themselves, too.